Morning Madness
by TheDaringInferno
Summary: Johnny gets a visit from Fang and Kitten that manages to only piss him and his boyfriend off.
There was a bit of a hierarchy in the villain world. Honestly it reminded Johnny of high school more than anything and that pissed him off the most. He'd _graduated_ from high school. Why was he still dealing with this stupid shit?

Fang and Kitten were the worst when it came to dealing with other villains. For the most part Johnny could ignore the others. They were easy to avoid, given that they liked to announce where they were going every five fucking seconds. But not Fang and Kitten.

Those two assholes would show up at his house at 4 in the fucking morning and harass him and Red X. Kitten seemed to be set on making Red cry with well placed comments aimed right at everything Red was insecure about every time she came over. Today was no exception.

Johnny woke up to the sound of _someone_ looking through his shit. Red was still in bed and no one in their neighborhood was dumb enough to try to steal from either of them. That meant that his _lovely_ friends were here to torment him.

Johnny sat up, ready to kick that spider and his whore out when Red yawned. The thief slowly woke up, squirming against Johnny and making obscene noises. Johnny would have been aroused (and he was, he couldn't deny it) if Fang and Kitten weren't probably destroying his living room.

"Johnny? What is it?" Johnny smiled weakly and pressed a soft kiss to Red's forehead. The thief scrunched up his nose but relaxed.

"Wrex's alarm went off. I'll be right back." Red nodded, already nodding off and Johnny gently slipped out of bed. He closed the door behind himself for good measure. He didn't need Red to wake up a second time.

Fang and Kitten were, as usual, walking around like they owned the place. Fang was sprawled out on his cough, with his muddy boots propped up on the coffee table. He knew how much it ticked Johnny of when he dragged his dirty self anywhere in his pristine apartment. He'd have to clean the whole thing as soon as the two left. Kitten was nowhere to be seen but there was a faint light coming from the kitchen. Johnny took a moment to look around, making sure nothing was stolen. Some of his pictures were knocked over and the new curtains now had a stain on them but all in all the house wasn't a total mess.

Wrex sat curled up next to the television, whining and shooting Johnny ashamed looks. Johnny gently nudged the dog, pointing him towards the bedroom. Wrex wagged his tail, giving Johnny a single lick on his hand, before sauntering off to the bedroom.

The sound of heels on wood brought Johnny's attention back to the two intruders. Kitten emerged from the kitchen wearing that same stupid tiara and holding a neatly decorated red velvet cupcake. So much for that treat. The little whore then had the audacity to smirk at him as she ate _his_ food.

"Oh you're awake." He could not be held responsible if he murdered them. Kitten finished the cupcake and set next to Fang, still smirking at Johnny.

"So where's Red?" He wouldn't fall into her trap. He would not let himself be roped into arguing with them.

"Why are you here?" Kitten's smirk widened and Johnny felt like he played right into her hands.

"Can't we just visit friends?" Why was this his life? Who did he piss off to deserve this?

"Bullshit. What do you want?" Fang sat forward, finally taking his feet off the table and looking at Johnny.

"There's a bank; its got pretty good technical security but no guards. Only one person manning the security videos. They're transporting a shit ton of cash next week with some one-off guards. Heard it's about 800K." That sounded like a great fucking score. He could finally buy Red some new painting supplies. He was running low and he knew Red would be surprised when Johnny handed him brand new supplies.

"You need me to get you in." Johnny was the tech guy. He could be called upon to be muscle every now and then but he was the guy you called if you needed in to a place. And Fang had called on his services multiple times.

"And pose as a guard. I'd do it myself but..." Fang gestured to his face and Johnny's smile faltered. Fang had always been self conscious about his looks and Johnny knew that this was a sore subject for him. The spider shook his head and steered the conversation back to the heist. "We'll split it 50-50."

"60-40, seeing as I'm doing all the work." Fang nodded and Johnny smiled. Maybe this morning wouldn't be so bad after all.

"Fang was nice enough to let you know about this. It's 50-50." And just like that Johnny's morning was doomed. Kitten had to go and open her big fucking mouth and talk about things she had no say in.

"If Fang wants to put his ass on the line he can. But if I have to show my face and do most of the work and recon then I damn well better get a bump in pay. _I'm_ being generous." Kitten looked ready to argue some more and Johnny was more than willing to show that bitch her place when he heard a door open. Red shuffled into the living room seconds later, bleary-eyed and with Wrex following at his heels. The redhead was still in his pajamas; a pair of boxers and one of Johnny's too big shirts.

"What's going on?" Kitten's smirk was the size of Texas. Before Johnny could speak and try to send Red back to their room Kitten was up and moving. She wrapped her little stick arms around Red's shoulders and led the thief over to the couch.

"We were just smoothing out the details of a heist." Red blinked at her before moving his gaze to Johnny.

"It's no big deal, just a smash and grab with a little intimidation." Red frowned, mind still mostly asleep, and scooted closer to Johnny.

"Why didn't you wake me up? Wouldn't it be better for me to hear it now?" Johnny opened his mouth and once again Kitten beat him to the punch.

"We didn't really need your particular... _skill set_." Johnny knew this would happen. He knew Kitten would try and bait Red. And Red fell for it every time.

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" It seemed Red was in a no nonsense sort of mood; though Johnny could see the faint tremors running through his boyfriend.

"You always take things too personally." So she was going that route. Kitten had always had it out for Red and she'd often found that the best way to really get under his skin was through criticism. Red was shit when it came to dealing with criticism and Kitten was more than willing to use that to her advantage. "That is one of the worst things about you."

Red froze at that and Johnny sent Fang a dark glare. Kitten was beyond his wrath and now he was just mad at Fang for bringing her. Fang seemed to take the hint and shifted, moving to get ready to leave.

"Why don't we-" Kitten just had to open her stupid mouth one last time.

"I'm just saying if we're in need of a clumsy whore then we'll call you." Johnny saw red. He was tired of this bullshit and he was not going to make Red suffer through it. He was ready to spout off insults and obscenities left and right when Red stood up.

"Get the fuck out. _Now!_ " Kitten stared wide eyes as Fang dragged her out the door. Red had never fought back before. Johnny stared up at his boyfriend, uncomfortably hard, and gently tugged Red back onto the couch. Red curled against him, body shaking.

"Hey, it's okay. That was really brave of you." Red barked out a laugh and buried his face in Johnny's neck. Johnny gently stroked his boyfriend's hair, pressing soft kisses every now and then to the top of Red's head.

"I love you." Red hummed against his neck, dozing off again. Johnny scoffed but settled himself deeper in the couch. He gave Red a final kiss and laid back on the couch.

"I love you too."


End file.
